Just Discovered: the Narrative “Rosetta Stone”

After thousands of hours of research, decoding, and translating, academics at Oxford University are reporting the biggest narrative discovery in 30,000 years.

Dr. Gavin Horsley has made a revolutionary breakthrough. It’s going to redefine our approach to storytelling here at Get Storied, it’s that big!

“OXFORD, ENGLAND—Explaining how the timeless clash between the two sides remains among the most elemental forms of storytelling worldwide, a study published Tuesday by researchers at Oxford University has concluded that virtually all modern narratives are re-expressions of the classic Alien Vs. Predator conflict.

“The Epic Of Gilgamesh, Paradise Lost,The Old Man And The Sea—each is simply a different culture’s exploration of the ageless, universally relatable struggle between Alien and Predator,” said study co-author Dr. Gavin Horsley, who noted he has yet to encounter a civilization whose most prized written works and oral traditions did not derive from the prototypical confrontation between the savage Xenomorphs and their technologically advanced, extraterrestrial humanoid adversaries.”
Ha! – Happy April Fools, everyone.

Who would have guessed, the real source of all modern narratives: Alien vs. Predator! If you want to keep having a good laugh, the original article can be found here at The Onion:

Literary Study Finds All Modern Narratives Derived From Classic ‘Alien Vs. Predator’ Conflict.

Hope you enjoy this international day of tall tales!

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